


Sorting

by Rawrpeep



Series: The GhiraLink Hogwarts AU No One Asked For [1]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Platonic Relationships, but mentally their canon ages, follows HP canon, for the time being, general HP knowledge recommended, they're eleven - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26693038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rawrpeep/pseuds/Rawrpeep
Summary: Year 1.  Two swordsmen wake up in an unfamiliar world, and promptly get sent to school.  Talking hats get threatened.  It’s the GhiraLink Hogwarts AU no one asked for!
Relationships: Ghirahim & Link (Legend of Zelda)
Series: The GhiraLink Hogwarts AU No One Asked For [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1942447
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Sorting

**Author's Note:**

> So uh. This happened. The plot bunny just _would not_ leave me alone at work so uh. Yeah. It’s the GhiraLink Hogwarts AU that no one asked for! Featuring accidental inter-dimensional travel, age regression, a bit of species swap (for cosmetic purposes), mutually attracted-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, gratuitous use of italics, threats to articles of clothing, dramatic rants, shenanigans, and more! Hooray!
> 
> This is just the first of seven oneshots, one for each year. Also, I don’t count this as a crossover because HP characters aren’t really there, y’know? They won’t be referred to by name or anything, but might possibly be referenced as background characters, so I haven’t tagged HP as an included fandom (but let me know if I should). The focus is aaallllll on these two nerds trying to figure out how to maneuver this weird new world with even weirder new technology, and also extra magic apparently. Oh, and how to get home.
> 
> It’s a wild ride, but I hope you enjoy!

**Sorting**

Link groaned. His head was _pounding._ What had happened to cause _that?_ Oh, right. He’d been battling against Ghirahim, dropping from platform to platform as Demise began to stir. He must have gotten whiplash or something.

Wait. What happened _after_ that last drop? Where was Fi? Zelda?

Link opened his eyes and sat up far too quickly, causing him to gasp in pain. _That… was a bad idea._ He laid back down carefully, rolling over to press his forehead against the blessedly cool ground. It had been dark, he’d noticed in the brief instant he’d had his eyes open. That wasn’t surprising- it had been pretty dark during the fight, too. What he _couldn’t_ explain was why the ground felt so _smooth_. The platforms had been smooth, but there was a magical quality to them that this floor lacked. Plus, this one felt like polished stone, or maybe marble. There was also a gentle but _very cold_ breeze from somewhere nearby. And were those whispers? Slowly, Link opened his eyes again.

The room was big, round, dark, and very much _not_ the Sealed Grounds. There was a big open door to nowhere a few yards away with a thin but creepy curtain drifting in that icy breeze, which Link realized was coming _from_ the spooky door. So were the whispers. He swallowed his nerves at the strange object and froze in place when he heard fabric shifting behind him, as well as another groan. Carefully, he turned to face the source of the sound, wishing desperately that he had Fi, or some sort of weapon, with him.

Oh. It wasn’t Fi, but it _was_ another sword spirit.

Ghirahim looked different.

He was smaller and more ruffled than Link was used to seeing him, and it was bizarre. The unfairly attractive demon lord he’d fought several times looked like a _l_ _ittle kid_ all of a sudden and it was _really_ bothering Link. Maybe he had a concussion and this was all just a terrible dream. He hoped so. He kept his eyes on his (adorable, chubby-cheeked) foe, wary of any sudden movements. _By either of us._ Link winced at the reminder of his bruised and painful condition.

\----------

“What in the Seven Hells _happened?”_ Ghirahim muttered to himself, rubbing circles into his temples. He ached _everywhere_ and he hated it. Maybe creating those platforms had been a bad idea. Then again, he hadn’t been in the most stable mindset when he made them. The giddiness at his Master’s imminent return had taken precedence over logic. Speaking of… Where _was_ Demise? _He should be here by now, if the ritual succeeded! The little hero_ can’t _have vanquished him so quickly!_ _My Master will cast me into the deepest pits of the abyss if I failed him!_ The thought made the demon lord open his eyes in a flash of fear.

The hero was laying on his belly a few feet away, staring at him.

Was he always that small? Sure, the beautiful blond had been short for his kind, but now he was downright _tiny._

His precious Skychild suddenly looked like _an actual child_ and Ghirahim found it ~~adorable~~ alarming. He stared at the little knight for a moment before repeating his question.

“What the _hell_ happened?!”

“Dunno.” The child hero shrugged, voice high in that prepubescent way all children had. “Floor’s cold though. Feels nice.” It was the longest string of words Ghirahim had ever heard him speak. He was about to respond when a door somewhere nearby creaked open, allowing several robed figures with sticks to flood in.

\----------

A few days later, the little swordsmen were loaded onto a huge metal contraption with magic sticks (wands, a voice in the back of their minds supplied) and robes of their own. The short time period between their arrival in this strange new world and their boarding of this “train” thing had been… Well, strange.

The robed people turned out to be witches and wizards, and had bound the otherworldly visitors in magical ropes as a precaution and dragged them off somewhere else, where an adult interrogated them. (Yes, they were from another world; no, they weren’t lying or imagining things; what even _is_ Veritaserum? Truth potion? _Fine_ but they’re not crazy! Honest!) After said interrogation, they were shuffled off into a spare room with weird snacks and drinks (“Skychild, don’t drink that! What if it’s poisoned?” “It’s just pumpkin juice. S’good.”) before an old man, with a beard so long it was tucked into his belt, came to talk to them.

It had been decided that they would go to a school, because the school was apparently the safest place for them until the situation was resolved. But it was a _magic_ school, where they had to participate in _classes_ and learn _magic._ Link thought it was a really cool idea, but Ghirahim decidedly Did Not Want to be surrounded by snot-nosed _brats_ who might ruin what was left of his pride and dignity. The bearded guy, apparently the school’s headmaster, brought them to a _really weird but kinda cool_ bazaar, where they got their robes, wands, and a blood test.

Link was apparently half elf here, whatever that meant. And Ghirahim was half drow, which was equally “whatever.” Also, they were suddenly 11-year old children. (And there went Ghirahim’s last shred of dignity.)

In a few hours, they’d be at this horribly named magic school. All they had to do was ride this weird giant metal _thing_ and they’d get there.

They definitely did _not_ scream in terror and cling to each other when the Hogwarts Express left the station at a _really high speed_.

\----------

The school was in a castle. An honest-to-Goddess _castle._ Ghirahim refused to acknowledge his excitement and approval, though he was certain that Skychild, standing next to him, could somehow sense it. He squeezed closer to the Hylian and grabbed his arm. When Link sent him a questioning look, he only hissed, “I am _not_ getting swept out by a tide of _toddlers,_ ” which caused the hero to crack a grin.

A teacher lined them up and led them into a huge dining area with a ragged old hat on a stool in the front of the room. Then the hat started to sing. It wanted each new student to put it on so it could sort them to one of the four color-coded tables lined with kids and teens. Ghirahim wrinkled his nose.

“That thing is positively _ancient_ , even by _our_ standards,” he murmured just loud enough for Link to hear. “I am _not_ putting that on! I’ll get lice at best and some incurable _disease_ at worst!” His horror only grew as each of the sniveling children around them took their turn.

“They seem fine,” the hero whispered to him, “maybe the hat’s enchanted to prevent those kinds of things.”

Ghirahim grudgingly agreed after giving him a _look._ Then it was his turn. It took all of his pride to walk over to the unfashionable scrap of sentient fabric and _not_ walk out of the castle in protest. He cringed as the hat swallowed the entire top half of his head.

‘ _Oho, you’re an interesting one, aren’t you?’_

Whatthefuck was the hat _speaking into his head?!_ No one was allowed to do that! The _nerve_ of this thing!

_‘Of course I’m speaking into your mind. How else will I Sort you?’_

“By asking me questions like _any sane creature would_!”

_‘But simple questions can be answered with lies. I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I were to do that, now would I? By looking into your mind, I can determine your strongest points, and find the best House for you.’_

The hat only received an annoyed grumble in response.

_‘Now… Where should I put you? Your knowledge is a bit much even for a Ravenclaw, and you’d frighten the fur off those lions in Gryffindor… There’s plenty of ambition. Reviving the equivalent to a deity is quite the lofty goal. But oh, my, that ambition is fed by fierce loyalty. Hmm. Now to determine whether you would fit best in Hufflepuff or Slytherin?’_

_“_ The Pufflehuffs are those brats in yellow, aren’t they?” Ghirahim asked, gut curling in righteous anger and dread, recalling the brief overview the headmaster had given them of the House system. At the affirmative reply, he went off on a rant.

“You are _not_ putting me there! Yellow looks absolutely fucking _awful_ on me, and I _refuse_ to conform to such a fashion travesty!”

_‘Hufflepuff is the house of hard work and loyalty. You seem to deeply embody both of these traits.’_

_“_ It’s also for the kind-hearted, is it not?” Ghirahim sniffed indignantly. “Well, _hat,_ I am a _demon lord_ with a sadistic streak and I’ve taken countless lives in the name of my Master. Just because I lack a record in this world, does _not_ mean that I’ve never committed these activities. You will _regret_ that choice for the few remaining days you exist, because I will _drag you to Hell and laugh gleefully as you burn down to tattered cinders, you useless scrap of fabric.”_

The hat was silent for a moment. In fact, the entire Great Hall was silent. Ghirahim was pretty sure someone checked a pocket watch if the brief ticking off to the side was anything to go by.

_‘I regret being forced to Sort you. Fine, you brat. If you’re entitled enough to threaten an old hat you’ll never interact with again, and mean every word of it, then you’d better be_ SLYTHERIN!”

_Finally_ it was over. Ghirahim tossed his hair and gracefully made his way over to the table of green-clad kids. He hoped they had more intelligence than his armies of bokoblins. Ignoring the strange looks cast his way, Ghirahim turned to watch his Skychild take a seat.

\-----------

_‘Oh Merlin, not another one.’_

Those… were not the words Link expected to hear when he put the hat on. The old thing cursed a little into his mind and he shuffled awkwardly.

_‘You’re not going to argue with me about your Sorting, are you?’_

Link shook his head. Did this mind thing work two ways? He certainly didn’t feel like speaking up when the talking hat was so disgruntled.

_‘Yes, I can hear your thoughts. I wish I could be retired after this, that friend of yours was fraying my patience. And I’m a hat that only works one day a year.’_

_“Um. Sorry about that, then. I’ve only known Ghirahim for a couple of months, but he’s been a bit of a drama queen the entire time. And, uh. We’re not exactly friends.”_

_‘So modest.’_ Link got the distinct feeling that the hat was sighing in exasperation.

_‘I suppose I should Sort you, then, shouldn’t I? That awful brat took far longer than he should have, and now we’re behind schedule.’_

_“Sorry again, about Ghirahim.”_

_‘I’ll be fine as long as I never have to deal with his dramatics again.’_ Link covered his mouth in a childish giggle before the hat got to work.

_‘Let’s see… You’re just as loyal and hardworking as the last one. You’d do well in Hufflepuff. Slytherin is out of the question; they’d eat you alive in the snake pit. Not Ravenclaw either, since you don’t value knowledge for the sake of knowledge, though you appear to be experienced with puzzles. And Gryffindor… Oh my, you’d fit nicely there, as well. I’ve never seen this much courage in a student, and I’ve been around for centuries.’_

_“_ _I was on the verge of completing a Goddess-given task to save both her and the world we lived in when I ended up here. Does that help at all?”_ Link nibbled his lip nervously at the hat’s shocked pause.

_‘Well then. I think that settles it. You’ll f_ _it best_ _in_ GRYFFINDOR!”

Link thanked the enchanted hat quietly before scuttling over to the red table.

\----------

Once the feast ended, the headmaster sat in his office, surrounded by trinkets and doodads, with a very disgruntled hat on his desk.

“The second traveler was fine. Perfectly polite. But that _first_ one was a piece of work!”

The headmaster sighed. It was going to be a long night, and an even longer seven years.

**Author's Note:**

> For real though, this particular oneshot came about as an excuse to have Ghirahim indignantly screech at the Sorting Hat about its awful fashion sense and the Hat just being So Done with him. Also, there’s the technology that they don’t have in their own time, meaning that even the Wizarding World, with its inability to technologically modernize, is way more advanced. Hence the totally-not-screaming on the train.
> 
> As of posting this, I have all seven years written, but no epilogue yet. The first two are going up now, but the rest will be kind of spaced out for a few days. There is a possibility of some side stories, but those won’t be posted until the main “story” is done. Hope you enjoyed!


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